Back in first year high school, I had this belief that I will never get used to the new environment that was unfolded right in front of me, I mean, c’mon, you could never get outside of one building? Preposterous! Anyway, I also thought that I could never get over and let go of the teaching style that my primary school presented me. Lastly, I also believed that me, a Red Lion back then, could never evolve or rather devolve, to a Growling Tiger. I was wrong. I did eventually got used to the new environment, adapted to the new teaching style/s and evolved to a Growling Tiger. It did, however, take me three years to accept to those facts. And in the only year I’ve fully accepted my being a Growling Tiger, came also the first time I’ve ever wished my stay could be longer. I must admit, time wasn’t on my side for I was in my fourth and final year in high school and it was just then that I’ve realized that I was slowly losing something. Ironically, it was something I loathed before yet subsequently learned to love after three years and an excellent batch of classmates.
The reality of actually loving what I currently have, as I’ve mentioned came during midway of the first semester of my final year in high school. I was quite busy back then, yet for as far as I can remember, I was a happy man. I was blissfully enjoying my last year in high school! It was probably the first time that I was gone out of my house most of the time and get this, the reasons include: gimmicks, play practices and get-togethers! I was basically starting to become a bit more sociable and I must admit, I was quite proud of it. But, what continues to ponder me back then (and even up to now) was me not seeing those things earlier! I mean, I could’ve had way more fun in my first three years in high schools if I did join gimmicks and hang-outs right? Well, perhaps I was bit busy pleading the other case of my first alma mater during those times, probably to a lesser extent though. Maybe it was during those times that I was slowly transforming to a Growling Tiger. Heck, probably even the start of what I thought was some kind of “Unending Grace” but I think I bit off a little bit more of what I can chew with that statement.
During the waning moments of February 2011, as my classmates and I have just survived the deathly grip and pressure of failing the oral defence, something sort of changed inside me. I felt sad. And not just some kind of ordinary sadness, that sadness that stays for a week! That sadness that makes you feel empty and doubting yourself for the next couple of days. That sadness that actually denies you the feeling of trying to be happy for a certain moment in time… I did eventually find out its cause after a little more than two days of contemplating. Some might actually think that this is ludicrous, others over-acting, but for me, the feeling of leaving my second alma mater was sinking into me. And, in my serious stress with regards to that matter, I actually did do some pretty desperate stuff. From wishing at 11:11pm, offering candles in churches, inquiring about scholarships and pleading to my mom, I did ‘em all! In the end though, fate denies me the opportunity of returning to my self-proclaimed Canaan or “Promised Land” and yet again, I’ve felt utterly devastated. I felt helpless at the time but what can I do? My parents are the one that’s paying for everything I’m spending in my daily life so I practically own them all the decision making from here on out. And since they did have other options with regards to a university, I had no choice but to accept it. I thought, “Hey, it couldn’t be that bad!” but it is and it still is, but for as long as it’s for the benefit of all, I guess I should just continue living by it.
So that’s it, the end of my four-year term in the “Tiger’s Den”. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my experiences there, I would have to say that ”Loving what you currently have” is truly what fits my situation. ‘Cause you don’t know, maybe one day, the one thing you took for granted might leave your life in a blink of an eye then leave you devastated. Remember, in most situations, “Nothing is ever real until it’s gone” and this might be another case of that so to be on the safe side, value what you have now and make the most of your opportunities with them. Someday, somehow, you’ll realize they’re value when they’re gone anyway.
On a side note, I wonder when I can return to Canaan? In four years maybe? Perhaps only The One can tell. Ah, but I promise Him I won’t take that opportunity for granted the second time around!